Wesleyan Student Turns off Zoom Camera to Rip Juul and Cry

MIDDLETOWN, CT – In any given Zoom class, you’re likely to notice that most students do not have their cameras on. Some students will take the low-key approach by turning their camera off every couple of minutes. Others will put the fact that they simply do not give a fuck on full display by not once turning their camera on. In any case, Zoom classes are starting to look more and more like a professor speaking into a void of grey squares. What we’re all wondering is…. what the hell is going on behind the screen? The Wesleyan Groundhog connected with some “off-camera” students to provide you with the answers. 

The most popular reason amongst “off-camera” students is a crippling nicotine addiction. Some report their inability to go more than five minutes without blowing at least one fat cloud. Emily A., ‘20, a regular “off-camera” student, remarks, “I turn off my camera to rip my juul and cry.” It also came to our attention that in breakout rooms, fellow juul-rippers will show off tricks to one another. Sophomore Brenda W. elaborates: “It wasn’t until Jessica saw my ghost vape trick in Intro to Art History that she wanted to get in my pants. Zoom is clutch like that.”

Another popular rationale for the “off-camera” approach is the ability to bust a nut in class without any repercussions. We talked to DKE member Derek P. who is particularly enthusiastic about laying wood during his zoom sessions: “Do you know how sick it is to bang my girlfriend during chemistry? It’s like way better than learning chemistry. Hahaha.” We asked Chemistry Professor Smicks if he knew what his “off-camera” students were up to, to which he replied, “Derek has never turned his mic off.” 

If you’re wondering what your classmates are doing behind their grey squares, assume the worst.