Groundhog Sees Shadow, Predicts 10 More Months of 2020

PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA – It was a shadowy February morning this Tuesday as American Seer Punxsutawney Phil had a harrowing vision for the future of our country. At approximately 10:52am, with the sun peaking through a small gap in the gloomy sky, Phil’s shadow strew across his grassy abode as his eyes glassed over. It was with a disembodied voice that he announced his troubling prediction; “This harbinger before me / Marks 10 more months of 2020.” Perhaps the most horrifying Punxsutawney premonition since his 1989 statements regarding the Berlin wall and the future of the USSR, this has amplified a sense of anxiety around the nation.

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