WASHINGTON, DC – It was (once again) a bad day for Rudy Giuliani when he realized the mistake he’d made. “I told myself I wouldn’t do this again! Silly Rudy,” he was overheard saying, slapping his palm into his forehead, with his head hung low.
“I was the only one there. I really felt a connection with Donnie,” said Jackson Jones ‘23, Econ major, athlete, and the only open Trump supporter on campus. “We bonded over wings, ranted about ‘Critical Race Theory’ and talked about girls- Don’s having some trouble with Melania.”
Rudy and the Trump Administration are maintaining that this was an active attempt to appeal to new demographics. However, multiple sources say they saw Trump gagging after talking to two female students holding hands. Louise Cannon ‘22 even says she heard Trump screaming, “Oh God! Oh God, no! Why are we here? Rudy, why are we here? I’m surrounded by heathens!” Needless to say, we have reason to believe this was just another classic Rudy mix-up.