Middletown, CT- Sources who have seen nature in the area confirm that it is in fact that time of year when trees go out of their way to show off. Changing from the traditional green leaves to the totally unnecessary orange, red, and yellow, trees have once again have decided to spend three whole months showboating.
“I can change my clothes too” said Jake Gormule ‘22, “but you don’t see me bragging about it! I don’t devote a whole season to switching up my color scheme.” Other students displayed similar scorn when questioned on trees’ most recent bout of boasting. “It’s not even a surprise or anything anymore,” expressed Ruby Franklin ‘21. “They do this like, every year.”
When questioned, hardly any Wesleyan students were impressed. One Keith Pollard ‘20, however, saw the silver lining. “Yeah, sure, this senseless bragging is kind of obnoxious,” commented the current junior, “but it’s better than in a few weeks when the fucking creeps are naked all the time.”