PORTLAND, ME — I’ve been wondering for quite a while, and I think I’ve come to the conclusion: What are boobs made out of, actually? Some people have them, some people don’t, but no one knows what’s actually inside them. I did some research, and these are my best guesses for what boobs are actually made of:
- sand?
- custard?
- spider eggs?
- chia?
- silly putty
- bricks? no…
- tofu?
- What happens when they hatch?
- sloppy Joe?
- frosting? icing?
- Floam?
- jell-o?
- When do they hatch?
- snow?
- The Fourth Matter
- Balloons?
- smaller boobs?
- marzipan?
- Oh god….
- Whoopie cushions?
- balled-up socks?
- THEY’RE HATCHING!
The Groundhog 