Wesleyan Rebrands as Young, Ambitious Tech Startup

MIDDLETOWN, CT — Following Rice University’s announcement to offer full ride scholarships to middle and low income students, Wesleyan President Michael Roth thought of a way he could gain publicity for the school without actually making a difference.

“This logo marks the beginning of a new era for Wesleyan,” Roth announced. “WesTech is a privatized, innovative new startup bent on making higher education irrelevant.”

This new logo and direction for the school has drawn sufficient critiques from nearly all students at what was formerly known as Wesleyan University.

“I could have made this on Apple Preview in fifteen minutes,” one student bemoaned.

Roth did not seem perturbed by the reaction, and in fact seemed strengthened by their disapproval.

“WesTech’s main policy is to democratize the learning process by making the students do all the work while the administration maintains its laissez-faire practice of doing nothing,” Roth said.

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