All Wesleyan Teachers Now to Be Called ‘ProfWessors’

MIDDLETOWN, CT – President Roth released a series of sweeping changes to the Wesleyan curriculum this past Wednesday in order to “really make every aspect of life on campus stand out from other colleges” and “expWess the uniqueness of our school.”

Although the changes won’t effect most of our day-to-day life, it is clear that the most impactful one will be requiring students to begin referring to their teachers as “ProfWessors.” This, of course, will carry over to the foreign language departments and will even affect teachers with PhD’s as, according to President Roth, “there’s no P, H, or D in ‘putting emphasis on our wonderful uniqueness.’”

These changes, however, won’t be implemented until first semester of the 2018-19 academic year in order to give students time to practice the pronunciation. Although these changes seem as though they might just be a ploy to attract more prospective students, President Roth assured us that they would help “make academic life here much more open and much less stWessful.”


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